


Hold on to this lullaby, even when music's gone.

by ItsStillBeating



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Muteness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 20:10:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3262838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsStillBeating/pseuds/ItsStillBeating
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry has spent most of his life being unable to speak. He's meandering in his existence, and being good at being invisible until a chance meeting with the a beautiful sunshine princess changes everything, for both of them.</p><p>'There was suddenly clarity in Barry's outlook. There was the possibility that being visible could lead to beautiful, whirlwind creatures meeting him like this, and that made it seem almost worth it.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold on to this lullaby, even when music's gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I enjoyed this incredibly, I think it's important to acknowledge the amount that Iris has changed and made Barry's life. Thank you to the wonderful MockingBlue/Barryalin, for betaing it for me. I had a lot of fun reading your comments! :) If you enjoyed it, please leave me a comment, and if you have any requests or prompts or queries be sure to send that to my tumblr: itsstillbeating.tumblr.com.

When Iris had first laid eyes on him, Barry wouldn't have been able to speak if he'd wanted to. Which he didn't, wouldn't, hadn't for years.  But still, it was a testament to her countenance that meeting.

 

Iris had been bright, bubbling over with enthusiasm, and ready to meet her new partner for her English project. She'd never so much as seen him before- oddly because she knew most people and he was gangly and striking-  but she was determined she would get to know him.

 

Iris was entertaining. When they sat at the table and she shook his hand and hyperactively blurted out, 'Hey! I'm Iris West. Nice to meet you!’ There was suddenly clarity in Barry's outlook. There was the possibility that being visible could lead to beautiful, whirlwind creatures meeting him like this, and that made it seem almost worth it. He nodded, smiling to try to match her and they worked on the project, her speaking and him writing for the next hour.

 

If there was awkwardness it was only shown by Iris' fleeting nervous looks towards Barry.  Barry tried his best to communicate his agreement by nodding and smiling and working on their project. But he would have loved to just tell Iris how smart she was. To maybe joke, or flirt with her instead of being struck dumb.

 

Barry wished he could speak to her. To reassure her that he wasn't being rude or awkward, just that he was very wary. But he couldn't and so he waved her off and smiled at her and hurried out, leaving her with a curious look on her face.

 

\------------------

 

The next day, Barry had resigned himself to the fact that Iris West would probably never speak to him again.  He blamed himself for it. He tried to be as small and inoffensive as possible but the moment when someone bright and wonderful bounded in his life and it was time to speak up....

 

He choked.

 

When he looked up, he was struck by a vision. He thought for a moment that he might be dreaming, as though he was dreaming because there was an angel in a halo of light above him. She winked and sat down and she wasn't an angel (though she looked like one); she was someone much more real.

 

'Barry, I just wanted to apologise for yesterday.' she said almost immediately after sitting down, fixing him with a stare. 'I was really inconsiderate and I got carried away with babbling and I'm so sorry.'

 

Usually in situations like this,Barry was stiff,awkward and shy, eager to get away. But Iris put him at ease and he scrunched his eyes together and shook his head. 'No!' he wanted to say, 'That's not it at all. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a while.’

 

Iris' bright eyes wrinkled as she smiled hard at Barry. They were like that for a long while; two dorks sitting across from one another smiling.  Iris smiled in relief and happiness.  There was something about Barry that excited her. He was different to everyone else, and it intrigued her. But all of this was underlined with an uncontrollable urge she felt which compelled her to protect him. So she was glad she hadn't hurt him.

 

She broke eye contact and dived into her bag, coming out with a flat rectangular object.  'I thought if you didn't totally hate me, and still wanted to be friends you might like this?' she says uncertain.  She'd spent the night neglecting homework in favour of researching 'selective mutism'. It had come about when she'd come home and gushed for ten minutes straight about the cute, quiet, funny, tall boy in her class, Barry.  Joe had smiled and answered her question about his quiet nature by making her aware of his diagnosis. He hadn't elaborated too much on the circumstances but Iris had guessed it was something tragic. She'd refrained with difficulty from googling 'Barry Allen', telling herself that she'd let him make that decision. 

 

Whilst researching Iris had realised that she didn't know what Barry wanted, whether he wanted to communicate with her in a more tangible way than expressions and gestures or not. So she'd driven out to the supermarket and spent a long while deciding which notebook to get.

 

She'd settled on a small, green one with a glossy photograph of a bear cub on the front. Barry's long fingers stroked across it, his face a picture of jubilation. He looked up at her quizzically and quirked his eyebrow at her choice of decoration. Iris mistaking it for Barry not understanding her gift began to back pedal rapidly. 'It's not... I'm not trying to pressure you into anything, Barry!' she squeaked out, 'It's just if there was anything you wanted to express that was difficult or... you don't have to do anything! Nothing at all!' she paused and peeked up at his face, he was smiling at her with a soft wet look in his eyes, so maybe he wasn't too offended.

 

Iris paused and set her eyes on his, his eyes fluttered away and back rapidly whilst he blushed. 'I want to be your friend whether or not you want it. I don't know what could stop me wanting to hang out with you.’ Barry shook his head slightly, the same soft smile on his face and cracked the book. He opened it to the front page and started to write.

 

He didn't stop for about five minutes, crossing out often and shaking his head and by that time Iris was teetering on the edge of her seat with anticipation. He slid the book over to her, his hand gesture suggesting that she should read. She settled down and rapidly poured over the page of small nondescript characters.

 

_'Iris, don't be ~~silly~~ worried.  I really love it. :) _

_It's such a thoughtful gift. Thank you so much. There are so many things I want to say to you and I haven't really had a chance to until now. I don't know how often I can use it because sometimes just communication makes me ~~scared nervous~~ anxious. But it's working right now. _

 

_Here's a list of unsaid thoughts:_

 

_1\. Your public speaking is really, really good and we should use it in our presentation._

 

_2\. You haven't ever annoyed me or babbled yet. You're always incredibly astute and concise._

 

 _3\. Thank you for talking to me and wanting to be my friend.  You're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time_.' 

 

Iris looked at him with her eyes glinting and wetly whispered back, 'Thank you, Barry.'

 

For a few moments Barry was unsure of what he should do.  He wasn't sure about comfort or physical contact but wanted to _try_. He held out his arms limply in a loose interpretation of a hug. Iris had neverbeen one for 'loose interpretation' and leapt into his hug, standing and moving rapidly to situate herself on the edge of his seat and leaning forward into him with her arms tightly wrapped around his shoulders and meeting behind his neck. Barry was apprehensive at first, but eventually his hands skated up to her waist and held her tightly, warmth emanating from him.

 

They pulled away eventually, both smiling hard and blushing.  Iris moved back to her seat  and there were a few minutes of them dodging each other’s glances and fiddling with the stationary and books they'd gotten to study. Barry slightly alleviated the tension by beginning to write again. 

 

' _PS. I wasn't confused about the book; I was confused about the choice of animal. I'm into Chemistry and Physics more than Biology or Zoology, unless you were referring to my fierce nature! ;)'_

 

Iris chortled when she looked up and saw Barry holding a 'fierce' modelling pose with his head turned to the side and his lips pouted.

 

'No, silly!' she said rolling her eyes, 'It's a BEAR because you're BEAR -ry!’ And in response to his judgemental look, 'Hey! I have the highest English score in the year.  Stop making fun of my skills.'

 

Barry made no motion to write an apology down, instead simply quirked his eyebrow and shook his head. He smiled so widely at her and the bell rang, breaking them out of their spell.

 

'Well, _I've_ got to go to History.' said Iris, standing up and starting toshovel her untouched books into her bag. Barry started to panic. It would take too long to write Iris a message so Barry instead fished his red mobile out of his bag and contemplated how to ask her. He didn't need to; Iris finished packing her bag, zipped it with a triumphant squeal and looked up beaming at the achievement.  Her eyes focused in on the plastic object in Barry's hand and she clasped her chest in mock shock.

 

'Why I _never_!' she exclaimed in a mock southern accent, 'you mean to tell me that you're inquiring after my calling card, Bartholomew?’

 

Barry rolled his eyes, shaking his phone at her and pointing up at the clock to indicate her eminent class. She filled in her number with a flourish and gently placed his phone back into his hand. 

 

'Text me when you get out of class, okay?' and Barry nodded, completely breathless.

 

\----------

 

Months later, Barry and Iris were eating out at a diner.

 

Earlier on in their relationship Iris had extended her tactility too far.  The scenarios would begin with Iris automatically tapping his shoulder or punching his arm. He'd recoil instantly, jumping away from her. Iris had always apologised profusely, colouring and feeling like a bad friend. It was an awkward situation for the both of them, because Barry seemed to feel the same. He’d turn around and acknowledge that it had been Iris and blush. He’d rapidly write down ‘Sorry!’ repetitively and doodle around it with hearts and butterflies, and Iris would grin, thankful that the embarrassment was alleviated.

 

Now, she knew better. She extended her hand over the table, noticing Barry’s frantic jumpiness and his avoidance of the servers, and needing to comfort him. She watched him for a few minutes whilst he stabbed at his menu frantically, refusing to make eye contact with the servers. When the server left he let out a deep breath, and looked up at Iris, noticing her hand, and her reassuring smile. His face lit up with its dimpled smile and he tentatively reached out, brushing her fingers and catching her eyes, firelight dancing in his pupils.

 

She could see his shoulders fall, and spent the next minute pointedly ignoring the warmth of his hand and the breadth of his shoulders, instead focusing on how comfortable he was now. Iris winked at him, eager to diffuse the tension and completely aware that winking was _totally_ their thing now. It was fantastic to have a way to communicate a joke across a room with Barry.

 

‘Hey, Bear… They totally think you’re proposing to me! Let’s get some free cake!’ she said eagerly after her wink, looking around. Barry rapidly grinned, looking down at the table. In a split second he let out a huff of breath, ‘ _Iris_ ’ he **said** , in a mock exasperated tone.

 

Iris froze, completely disarmed by the soft, low buzz of his voice, hearing it for the first time since they’d met. She locked eyes with Barry perturbed, eager to not pressure or spook him but at the same time buzzing with anticipation.

 

Barry looked understandably terrified, his eyes round and immediately wet, and he stood up to go. Barry frantically motioned towards the doorway before he ran out. Iris dug in her purse, pulling out more money than their meal was and placing it on the table before standing up.

 

‘Bear!’ she shouted, running down the street at full pace _needing_ to find him. After a moment of consternation, she found Barry in an alleyway. He rested against the brick wall with his eyes wet and fat tears streaking paths down his left cheek. He heard her stop in front of him- panting- and looked up at her, lost and afraid.  Iris used her foot to nudge his feet apart and knelt down on the ground in between his legs. ‘Barry, it’s going to be okay, I’m here.’ She squeezed him tightly and rested her head close to his, letting him share in her warmth.

 

They stayed like that, coiled together until Barry could move.

 

\-------------------------------------

Later at Iris’ house, Barryhad calmed down.

 

They lay on her bed, as intertwined as they had been, with Barry’s arms on her shoulders. Iris was reading the letter Barry had frantically scribbled as soon as they’d reached her house.

 

‘ _Iris, I’m sorry I ran out on you. You don’t deserve it, and I feel like I should be able to express my feelings to you. You always make me feel better about them, honestly, but I was just scared. I haven’t verbalised words in front of people, let alone in a public place since I was a little kid. _

 

_It was scary and hard and for a second I felt all small and defenceless again. I’ve told you what happened to my mother when I was younger, and whilst I was a passionate kid, when it happened I just didn’t want to be a hero ever again. I felt as though I could at least protect myself, and the parts of my Mom that were still in me if I stayed out of trouble._

 

_So, I ran, and I didn’t confront people and didn’t talk to people. Eventually one day, I woke up and I couldn’t talk to people, and it was helpful. It made me feel safe. No one could make fun of me or bully me because they didn’t notice me._

 

_But, then you noticed me. I want to talk to you so badly, there are so many things I want to tell you, about how I feel, ~~how you make me feel~~  how it feels to have a friend and be noticed. But at the same time, I’ve been scared that if you heard me talk, you wouldn’t like the way I speak… I don’t even know how I speak anymore, and after all of this, I didn’t want to lose you too.’_

 

‘ _Barry._ ’ she started softly, looking up from the letter after reading it twice. ‘I promise, I didn’t think your voice sounded strange, or _weird_ or bad.’ she took a breath, and continued, facing him steadily, ‘I thought it was perfect... It’s _yours_ after all. And you have to know by now; I’m always going to want to be your friend.’

 

Barry smiled at her. His anxiety was a difficult point for him, but Iris always made him feel as though he wasn’t wrong or awkward or big or strange. When he was taken to a professional and diagnosed as a child they emphasised the trauma in his life. The ruses and games and videos they used didn’t work on him, and he had _tried_ so hard to force words out of his mouth but they wouldn’t come. He was traumatized, and for a while, not talking to anyone was the only way to help.

 

But… _this_ , him and Iris, whatever they were. This was helping.

 

He’d had countless daydreams of talking to Iris, holding her tightly and telling her he _loved_ her (because he did, ardently and irrevocably). In the Diner, he’d said her name. The most perfect assembly of vowels and consonants he could think of, with his unpractised voice. He’d been so afraid Iris would look at him and burst out laughing and he wouldn’t be _hers_ anymore.

 

She was stroking his hair now, and he was glad she knew everything now. Well, _almost_ everything. ‘I _love_ you’ was going to be a lot more difficult. But, in her arms with his heart beating fast in his chest he almost felt as though someday he’d have the courage.

 

Iris had come into his life and been a light, and an anchor. It was always Iris.

 

\---------------------------------

 

When Barry opened the door, Iris bounded in,her red dress gleaming against her umber skin, wearing a smile that could light the sky. She spotted Henry, standing slightly back and shook hands with him.

 

‘Hi! I’m Iris West; I’ve been looking forward to meeting you for _so_ long!’

 

Henry loved her. Throughout dinner they shared jokes about popular culture and Star trek and debated feverishly on the banal nature of the SAT. Henry signed to Barry at the same time he talked to Iris, used to it. Sometimes he used it for secret messages, ‘Are you sure you two aren’t together?’ he signed, attempting to conceal the rather obvious ‘together’ gesture where his hands knocked together suggestively. ‘Just, close!’ Barry replied so frantically his hands slapped together as they touched.

 

Iris looked rapidly in between the two. ‘ _Hey_! No fair! I want to be involved’.

 

Barry reddened immediately and waved his hands around, trying to signal to Iris that it was nothing, but she definitely wasn’t buying it and crossed her arms against her chest.

 

Iris saw Barry's apprehension and cocked her head at him.

 

When they were cleaning up plates in the kitchen she started nervously, 'So, is that something you'd like?' and Barry quizzically looked up from the plate he was washing. 'Y'know, sign language.  Me learning it. I want to.'  Iris looked shyly at Barry and Barry's heart leapt once more for the majesty that was Iris West. He nodded his head rapidly and she laughed shyly and he laughed loudly.

 

\----------

 

Four weeks later, outside of Iris' door Barry suddenly panicked that the flowers might have been too much. Friends gave each other flowers all the time on platonic movie nights...? **_Right?_**

 

Iris opened the door, perfect and pyjama clad with her feet in fluffy socks and her hair in a bun. She squealed and grasped the flowers. 'Thank you so much, Beary.' she said, guiding him into the house. 'Make yourself at home! There's the couch.' she grinned and rushed upstairs. He watched her skip up the stairs, happy to have made her happy and terrified of his insatiable longing for her.

 

Upon turning around he nearly jumped out of his skin at Joe West who he hadn't seen coming in. Joe raised his eyebrows and hands with his fingers outstretched in mock surrender.

 

'Hey kid! I'm sorry I wasn't trying to scare you, I'm not a scary black man, just Iris' Dad.'

 

Barry snickered and smiled at Joe and Joe chuckled good naturedly. There was a moment of pause before Joe started, ‘I worked on your case a little bit when you were younger, I’m just happy to see you’ve grown up… so well’. He said smiling. Barry gestured to the picture of Iris on the mantelpiece, ‘Yeah, my daughter has a way of _forcing_ people to do better. You should watch out!’ and Barry shook his head and giggled.

 

Joe walked back up the stairs remarking loudly, 'I like this one, Iris!’

 

Iris leapt onto the couch, tussling with Barry before they settled upon each other in a relaxed embrace. There were little nudges and looks, throughout the film between them. Iris leaned over often and whispered criticism into Barry’s ear every time the film paused.

 

When the film ended Iris took a massive breath, looked up at him nervously and couldn’t meet couldn't meet his eyes. 'Barry, I want to show you something.' she said solemnly and when Barry nodded she took another deep breath.

 

Her hands were shaking as she formed the letters 'ILY' shakily.  Barry was flattered. Signing out the letters 'ILY' was the way of expressing platonic love and he was glad Iris had taken the the time to express it. He smiled and nodded and she looked confused. Her jaw was tight under her smile and her hands clawed the couch.

 

She looked back at Barry unreadable.

 

 

\-------

It was the night of Prom and Barry was watching Iris intently. He was slightly drunk off of the beer he'd shared with Iris at her house. He gazed at her, she was dancing with a boy and her head was on his shoulder.

 

Barry wasn't angry. He's somehow happy for her but sad at the same time. He scuffed the floor with his shoe and felt sorry for himself.

 

He sighed and sat on the bench, scared to talk to anyone and sighed again, loudly. Iris was laughing with Tiffany, her best friend and freshman year girlfriend. Barry really likes Tiffany, but couldn't help the envy closing his throat.  He had a sudden idea.

 

He locked Iris' eyes with his

'You look beautiful' he signed gesturing fluidly at her face. Iris smiled hard and quickly gestured back 'Thank you.'

 

She pulled away from Tiffany, kissing her cheek and walked over.  She swayed and teetered in her heels, reaching Barry and pulling him up by his hands.  Barry sprang to his feet, exhilarated.

 

'Barry, you look so handsome.' she said breathless. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and he confidently put his hands on her waist as they swayed. 'You having fun?' he nodded and chuckled.

 

\----------------

 

In the limo back home Iris was falling asleep. Her head was tucked into his shoulder, and she sleepily muttered 'Bar....’

 

When he Barry looked down her fists were crossed across her chest, signing 'I love you'. There was no ambiguity this time.

 

It was a precious moment and he couldn't bear waking her. He carried her up to her bedroom and sat on her bed.  When she opened her eyes and in a yawn said 'Thank you, Barry.' Barry grinned and enjoyed her smile.

 

He stroked her face and whispered softly, 'I love you too, Iris.'

 

There was a moment of silence and then she was on him. They were smiling so hard their teeth and noses bumped.  Iris rolled over him and positively squealed, 'I love you so much, Barry.' before leaning in for their first kiss.

 

\--------------------

 

From the moment he'd opened the door Iris hadn't looked him in the eye. That was strange. Usually it was Barry who was uncomfortable at the drop of a hat. But today, Iris was on edge and quiet.  When she lifted her eyes Barry knew there were explosions occurring in her mind. Barry walked over to her, abandoning all else and kissed her as deeply as he could. They breathed one another in, anchors in a tempest, protecting their precious cargo. When he pulled away his face was wet from her tears. His eyes widened in shock as he stroked Iris' face.

 

'What's wrong, Iris?' he signed and she said, 'I don't want you to leave, I love you so much.' and spluttered out more tears. Barry felt a tightening in his chest and kissed her forehead. His imminent departure to college had worried him as well. 

 

They spread themselves on his bed, languidly kissing. Their hands slowly skated over one another and Iris' hands grasped Barry's hair. Her legs wrapped around his waist and in between kisses she whispered and gasped 'Barry.'

 

When she moved against him, frantic and close, they stared at one another. They were truly alive for that little death.

 

After, they were sated and sweaty and entangled in one another. Barry didn't need to say it but he did...

 

'I love you, Iris.'


End file.
